Illuminating the Shadows: Cindy Benezra on Healing, Storytelling, and Empowerment

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Living the Dream Podcast with Curveball. If you believe you can achieve. Welcome to the Living the Dream with Curveball Podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate, and inspire. Today I am joined by author and speaker Cindy Benezra. Cindy is the founder of Cindy Talks, a platform to where she uses storytelling to help people get through the tough times in life and get their story out there. Sometimes we just need people to talk to. And if you need someone to talk to and get your story told, Cindy's the person. She is also an author with a memoir name under the orange blossoms. So we're going to be talking to Cindy about her memoir and everything that she's up to and gonna be up to. And we're going to be talking to her about her storytelling platform. So Cindy, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

It's great to be here and thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Sure. Um, so I wrote a memoir and it's called Under the Orange Blossoms, and it's about moving from trauma to healing and empowerment. And my journey started when I was five years old. I experienced severe trauma and sexual abuse at the hands of my father. And I carried the silence, and I lived in it for years. And I lived in two different worlds. One was of trauma and the other one was of life on the other side. And um see here. So I my trauma, and when this all happened, it was basically from five to ten. And I pretty much forgot what had happened to me. I just erased what had happened in my past. And these memories eventually came out in nightmares, um, in these horrific, horrific nightmares. And I thought I was really, truly going crazy. So I started to journal a lot of this down. And when I was journaling, it was not only a release, but I realized that this truly had happened to me, that this lost part of my life was really on paper. And this is where I kind of began my journey. Um, but it's not a story about recalling past pain. I mean, I really was cognizant not to write too much about that. It's really a story about survival. And most importantly, it's about breaking cycles. It shows what happens when you decide that the person who hurt you doesn't get to write the rest of your story. It's about peace and emotional freedom.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Well, I know that your memoir under the orange blossoms come from comes from a deeply personal place. So talk about the moment when you realize hey, my story is important and everybody needs to know about it.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

So I have to say, as a child, and again, I'm older. We didn't really have the internet back then. So, but as a child, I was searching for a story, something to kind of tell me that I was going to survive, that I was gonna live, that I was gonna get through, that there was hope on the other side. And I would read books, you know, kind of secretly read books that would help me, and some were psychology-based, and a lot of those kind of re-traumatized me. And some of the stories did too. So this was sort of a uh an expression of what I was searching for as a kid, what I was searching for as an adult. Um, it was the hope that I wanted to know that I could get through, that I would have a healthy relationship, that um that the story doesn't own me, and how do I get through? So, this is what I wrote down to help others.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Well, I know you talk about transforming life's heaviest challenges into personal expansion. So, talk about what that transformation looks like when the person is trying to transform, but they're still in the middle of the pain.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

I call that freckles of light. Um, you know, sometimes we're so much in the thick of our pain. It's um it's so dark in there, we can't even see out. It's just like this hole. And there's no hope in there. There's there's no way out, and we just focus on what we don't have. It's we're stuck in that moment. It's you can't really see the future because you're just feeling it. And when you're so low like that, sometimes you have to find those freckles of light, find what it is in the darkness, in your stillness, and think about, okay, now, but what what light, what things are going to carry me out of this? And those are usually moments of self-reflection and really taking account of what do I have? What do I possess? Like, what are my skill sets that are going to carry me out of this? And then looking at more what you have instead of what you don't have, and then focusing, it's like a pivotal point and focusing, like, okay, I've got, even if it's one to two things, I've got these things. And you know what? This is how I'm going to begin, and this is how I'm going to start. It's a it's a very intense process, but I do feel like a lot of times that those are the freckles. Those are the freckles of light when it's just so dark.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Well, I know for survivors of trauma and abuse, reclaiming their personal narrative can be incredibly difficult. So talk about what is the first step of reclaiming, reclaiming ownership of your personal narrative.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

So I feel that when you're reclaiming, when you're claiming that those broken parts of you, it's separating what happened from who you really are. It's uh you change you can't change the past, but you could change what happened to you today. So it's looking exactly at that. Like, what can I change right now? What what steps can I take today to make this happen?

SPEAKER_01 7:10

Well, I know you often talk about here uh as I'm look, you know, looking at your bio in the green room. I know that you talk about how even the quietest voices can move mountains. So why do you feel that so many people uh don't feel comfortable about speaking up about what happened to them and telling their story?

SPEAKER_00 7:33

That's a really good question. I feel I at least I have to speak for myself. But I do believe this though, about when you are um in silence all the time and you just hear your voice just going all the time. I think it's really hard to step out of that and find that power in your voice to speak out because you're so accustomed to being silenced and you don't even know how to exercise that. So that's uh a new way of life to start even thinking. And when you do find your voice, it's probably the most empowering thing. I used to feel because I'm pretty quiet, and I do believe that in um that silence, like people who have who are thinkers, who are more deep in thought, they have a lot to say. There's a lot of power and a lot of wisdom in what they have to say. But I do believe that about a lot of people, though, that we we all have that innate ability to do that. But if we could step into that and voice what we have to say, that's your truth. That's where you stand from.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Well, talk about what your own personal experience experiences of trauma and abuse taught you about simply surviving something versus truly healing from it.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Can you rephrase that and just say that a little bit in a different way?

SPEAKER_01 9:06

But basically, all that you went through throughout your life, you you've healed from it. But some people are just simply surviving. So, you know, um, what's the difference and and what have your experiences taught you about, hey, I don't want to just survive this. I want to be able to heal from this and move on and help others.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

I get you. I think it's a a pivotal point where you just you're starting to feel stuck and you're just really wanting to find a way out. And I think it's looking inward and focusing on like, okay, like what do I have here? What can I do? And how do I move past this? And then not being stuck in and blaming somebody else or blaming circumstances around you. It's like really looking inward and going, okay, so how do I do this? And writing them down. I think writing them down is um a great way to see it in black and white, just to say, okay, what what do I have here? How do I do this? And it kind of clears all the muck and takes out all the the blaming. I think the blaming and worrying about other people's worrying about your circumstances. I think that's one way to start beginning through that. And change happens with you. It begins all with you. So looking at your perspective and trying to find a new way of looking at your perspective, it starts with you.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Well, talk to the listeners about Cindy Talks, you know, tell us the purpose and inspiration behind it.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Oh, it's a place where people could find community, people who have walked a similar path as me. And um I have articles on on this, and um, it's a great community and support. You should check it out. It's it's pretty good. I think it's pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Oh, absolutely. Well, let's talk about why you feel like someone telling their story is such an important part of the healing process.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

I think it's, you know, everybody heals differently. Some people heal in silence. Some people need to talk to, you know, maybe a close friend or two, and then some people need to shout it out to the, you know, shout it out on the hill. But um, that's an individual process. And whatever your process is, I think you have to honor it. I think you have to respect it, and it you have to take it in strides. It's like those little micro steps. It's healing is not a straight line. It's it's all zigzagged, and you have to recognize it's those mon those little, little increments that you take on a daily routine, those little micro steps, and um go through it in a very uh peaceful way and give yourself grace in in a methodical way.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Well, I know that you encourage people to use self self-reflection and grounded wellness practices. So talk about one practical tip that someone can use today to be able to release something that they've been holding on to for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Okay, I'm gonna give you two. So I already talked about journaling. Um it it's like a what do you call that? I it's like a brain dump. I think that's what they call it, is brain dumping. It's when you take a piece of paper. There's something about taking a piece of paper, something that's natural. But you could do it on your phone too. Just write down everything that you're feeling and you're thinking, and it doesn't have to be grammatically correct, and just write it down. Sometimes I write it down furiously, and it's just a toxic dump where I take everything in my head and I put it on that piece of paper. It just releases what's those words, it just releases it right on paper and it um breaks up the trauma loop so that you can live more presently in vitality. And then the second one, um, it's something I do a lot too. When I'm not feeling safe, or I'm not feeling grounded, or I want to get more into that moment, I actually take off my shoes, or I just put my feet on the ground, I put my hand on my heart, I take a couple good deep breaths, and then I keep on telling myself myself that I'm safe, that I'm safe. And it breaks up that panic loop.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Well, if there's a listener out there right now and it feels like their voice doesn't matter because of their past and all that they've been through, what would you want them to hear from you? What would you say to them right now?

SPEAKER_00 13:51

That you're not alone, that you are not alone. There are so many people out there who feel the same emotions, most likely the same emotions that you have.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Well, after all that you've been through, what do you feel like your journey has taught you? And what do you want other people to take from listening to your story or reading about your story?

SPEAKER_00 14:18

That you are strong, and that you're worthy of love, that you're worthy of becoming more, and that you're that you are love.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Well, besides your book, uh tell us about any other upcoming projects that you're working on that listeners need to be aware of.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Oh, yeah, I got some good ones. So uh recently I just released um Under the Orange Blossoms in Spanish, and um it's coming out in paperback real soon. The Audible is coming up. I'm working on that right now too, and I think she's an amazing Audible reader in Spanish. So very, very excited about that. And I the reason I wrote it in Spanish is because I believe that, you know, pain, grief, trauma doesn't have a language barrier. And the more people that could find this in their own tongue and they could read it, I think that cuts straight to the heart where they hear, like, hey, I'm not alone, you know. Um, another thing is I'm working on a workbook and it's called Bloom, and that will be released. I am not sure, but it will be released. But I'm very excited about this workbook. It kind of goes in conjunction with Under the Orange Blossom. So exciting stuff on the horizon.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Well, to keep up with everything that Cindy's up to and gonna be up to, you can visit her website at cindytalks.com. So is there anything that you want to tell the listeners about your your memoir that we haven't uh talked about?

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Hmm. I feel like we got we got into it. I feel like we got into the weeds. What do you think, Curtis?

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah, I I think we have. Uh, do you have any final thoughts for the listeners? Uh maybe if there's something I left out that you would like to touch on?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

You know, if if you you could purchase my book on Amazon and um you could also find me on Cindy Talks. But if you're in Amazon, will you please leave me a review? Because it's those reviews, it's um those algorithms, you know, that people find you at. And it's it helps people who have walked a similar path and let them know that they're not alone so they could find us.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Absolutely, ladies and gentlemen. So pick up that book and leave Cindy a review. Visit cindytalks.com to check out everything that she's up to and check out the uh storytelling platform that she has. And if you are somebody that you know has a story that needs to be told, share this to them and contact Cindy and maybe she can help you share it. Also, follow and rate this show and episode. And to keep up with all things, Living the Dream, please visit www.curveball337.com. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. And Cindy, thank you for all that you do, and thank you for joining me.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

It's an honor. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

For more information on the Living the Dream with Curveball Podcast, visit www.curveball337.com. Until next time, keep living the dream.