Navigating Life's Storms: Skip Van Gardner's Journey of Resilience and Discovery

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Living the Dream Podcast with Curveball. If you believe, you can achieve. A show where I interview guests that teach, motivate, and inspire. Today I am joined by Skip Van Gardner. Skip is a businessman, a storyteller, and he is also a lifelong seller. We're going to be talking to Skip about his new book called Blue, One Year of Death, Divorce, and the Discovery. Skip Forgettable Year between February 2025 and February 2026, where he experienced the loss of his father. He went through a divorce and he had a near-death selling crossing that gave him a new perspective on life. So his book is a powerful story of resilience, loss, and personal discovery. And we're going to be talking to him about how the biggest curveballs in life can help us discover who we are. So, Skip, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Thank you very much, Curveball. I appreciate it. I appreciate the opportunity to be here. You've had some wonderful guests in the past. And hopefully, uh hopefully I don't let you down.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Oh, I don't think you will. Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Sure. Um, again, Skip Van Gardner and uh live down in Florida, outside of Orlando. Um, spent the last 20 years prior to moving back here, though, between Los Angeles and New York and Washington. And um took my first hand of writing years ago, but um it just I don't know, it's kind of like an actor playing King Lear. You really don't get better until later on when you're old enough to play the part. And uh when it came down to writing pivoting from blue, um it was just a different adventure, uh, a whole new level of writing for me. Um coming out of a year, it was uh the craziest year I've ever been through. And I hear from other people saying it's taking your worst day and just putting 365 of them together. And um, but the good news is I did it and um came out the other side. And to your point on the intro there, too. And I thought about that a long time ago when I first heard that we were going to be doing this podcast together, you know, that whole idea that you can look back and learn something from it and and to be able to move forward um is a big part of it. And that's why I was really excited to come on here today with you.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Well, doing that unforgettable year, you you know, you you you experienced, you know, death, divorce, and you know, the loss of your father. So talk about which one of those experiences changed you the most and why.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Well, that's funny. The um the title of the book, Pivoting from Blue, um, kind of came along with the help of my sister because we were talking about the year, and the book was mostly written at that point in time. And um, she asked me, and and the boat itself was uh a 1967 um 41-foot Hadras and had a big old steel hole, uh power boat, it was a big old fishing boat. And um so she asked me what was the biggest turning moment in the year, and blue was just the name of the boat, and uh it just hit me. I mean, I said, you know what, it was stepping off blue, it was the first time. And uh, I remember when we first pulled into Spanish Q, we had gone through two um rogue squall lines, um, normally last about 10 minutes, but we got beat up for a little over two hours, and um, we didn't know if the boat was sinking or not. And I remember when we first got into um the marina, we both hopped off the boat and just stared at it. We were just waiting for it to sink in a slip. And um, at that moment, though, it started shifting things for me. Um, a little bit later, my my vision and my hearing went completely gone for a while and uh while I was sitting on on the porch. And when it started coming back, it was kind of like the way Bob Ross paints. He starts out with a little dot, a little brush stroke here and there, and then curveball, everything just got bigger, and I started seeing things differently. Um, that I mean by like panoramic. Um, it's like taking all of your senses and and just blowing them up. And so my hearing was about triple, my vision was about triple. Um, and then six days later, though, is when it really all hit me, and uh what I called and what I've since learned now is called the psychological death, where you just absolutely hit rock bottom, and I mean rock bottom. And um, when I came back, it was an empty canvas, and that's one of the reasons why we started using music. I had a great therapist, um, ex-military. We get along real well, and so we started rebuilding my mind, uh, one emotion at a time, and uh one walk at a time, and uh and one moment at a time, quite frankly. And so that impactful six days was probably the transition to start painting the kind of life that I wanted to have, um, moving out of then uh because that was absolutely the worst of it. And I got lucky in terms of when that did happen in my mind, we call it a mind event, but it kind of wiped out all negative memories, not that I didn't have them anymore, but that they just didn't affect me in the same way. So I was able to see things differently in a much more positive light.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

Well, I know you spent decades working in big cities like Los Angeles, Manhattan, and Washington, D.C. So talk about uh how those experiences shaped you before you went through everything that you went through in that unforgettable year.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

That's a great question. Um, I look at it like this. I lived between LA and New York the longest, um, working, you know, in the entertainment industry primarily. And, you know, you go through a lot of ups and downs there. And um, you know, sometimes a project comes together, sometimes it doesn't. And um you just have to keep moving, or else you're just dead and you might as well leave both towns. Um, DC was the same way, a little bit more of a transitional city. Um and uh I'd actually ended up in DC because my father, when I was in New York, had gotten hit by a car on his first walk after his first open heart surgery years ago. And uh so I wanted to stay closer than going back to Los Angeles or New York, so I ended up in DC then. But I think each of those cities provided, you know, uh hardening, if you will. Um, and that hardening got me through a lot of a lot of the times, but it also built a layer on me that eventually came when July came and the mind event took place, that it just cracked my head wide open in terms of everything that I'd probably pushed down over all those years. Um, and when I first moved back to Central Florida and got married, you know, I was still holding on to all of that. Um, all those different ups and downs and everything, and never really had anyone to talk to about them. And uh so when I got through the mind event though, I think that perseverance that I had learned from those cities and living there um all came back to mind. And it's funny, I was just up in uh in New York recently and I was talking about when I used to live around the corner from the Empire State Building, but I never went up there, just walked by it every day. And this was the first time that I looked at it going, you know what, I'm going in there. And um, so I think a lot of it has to do with like life like that. We just kind of keep on walking, we keep on running, but we don't really stop and look at what's beside us and what we're passing by all day long, you know, driving around. Could be a beautiful tree, we don't see it. Now I'm lucky enough that I just take it in. And um, so I think those are those are some of the real lessons I learned from living in each of those cities. And then let me go here.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Well, I know that you lost your father while going through a divorce, and that had to be very tough on you. So talk about what those two experiences taught you about love and letting go.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Yeah, absolutely. Um, it's a good question. The uh there's a chapter um called His Final Gift, and it was well into the year, um, approximately 11 months into the end of the year, and he died in January. And by that time, I've been able to process a lot of the feelings about the divorce, um, owning my side of it. And we had both said we both owned 50% of where we ended up, and not only like physically on it, but like emotionally own it. And um so having that going into my father's death, knowing that we we'd kind of covered a lot of ground on the divorce front, and we were learning how to talk again, learning how to, you know, just really be friends again, something we had lost along the way. And that night that I was able to shake my father's hand for the last time, I had just read him a letter that my sister Nancy had written for him because she was not able to make it down in time. She luckily did by the time um just before his death. But he had been basically unconscious for, I don't know, days at that point in time. And I read him the load, the note, uh, which was probably could have been from both of us and really was. Um, but out of nowhere, Gerdball, his right hand just came up over his shoulder and he just said, Thank you. And um, and one of the last things that I'd said to him is that we will make sure mom's safe. And um, I think that allowed him a little bit of peace. And um anyway, so that night um I was able to take kind of both of them because that handshake, I felt every ounce of energy that in every handshake that I'd ever had with them over the course of our lifetime together. And um, so that's when I went out that night, and uh in that chapter, I I confronted the courts of heaven and I and I thanked God for the opportunity to kind of find forgiveness for our for our marriage and the mistake that we made, and also for the life that I'd had with my father. And uh it was a beautiful moment. You know, I got I got real lucky and uh was able to feel comfortable with his death. And um, and then also the same night felt felt really comfortable with our divorce because I don't think it would have been, I think everything happens for a reason, at least for me on that year. And had the divorce not taken place, you know, everybody would have been dragged into the hospice situation that we went through and and all the other hell that happened that year. And it was almost kind of like it protected Annie and Harper and Bowen and um and let me go through all the stuff that had to be done. That was inevitable, and there was no other way to do it, and I certainly didn't wish that year upon anybody. Um, but so learning to stand alone, but also to know exactly who you love now and put them as priority is what really came out of having both of those things happen at the same time. It's a I don't want to call it a miracle, it's just my story, and um and I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for having to go through it.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Well, take us back to that near-death sailing crossing. Talk about uh when you went in the experience, what was actually going through your mind.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Um about every ounce of moment I've ever spent on the water. Um, we were on a 41-foot Hatteras, so it had two uh 350 horsepower engines in there. And uh we had been noodling around with those. And you know, it was supposed to be a nice calm day, about one to two foot uh Cs there. And uh we took off out of Fort Pierce at about six, six fifteen in the morning. Um by about nine o'clock, it started going something was weird. Uh we kept checking the radar, there was nothing on the radar. Um, the cruise ships had seen something because there was one, two of them uh that had been behind us, but they turned. And uh we were listening to nice songs, we had had our coffee, and um, from a distance to the east, southeast, um, it looked like two sisters, you know, or two set of clouds um that were apart and kind of coming towards us. And as they got closer, they started merging. And then we realized we couldn't go back, we were too deep, we couldn't outrun it. It's picked up pace, sea started picking up pretty fast, and there was like an upside-down triangle of light that was left before they had completely merged. And so, usually, you know, in storms like that, you can ride them out for about 10 minutes. Um, and we thought if we pushed through it, that we'd have a little bad weather. Um, if we could get through that little upside-down triangle, get there and get to the other side as fast as possible. But when we went in there, curve ball, it just it went black. And the wind and the waves and the temperature dropped about probably 40 degrees in about 30 seconds, and um then all hell started. And uh waves picked it up to about nine feet, so that means if you don't spend a whole lot of time on the water, that means you're running up about uh 15 to 18 foot face of the wave, and uh the wave count in between, so the crests of the waves were running about two to three seconds, and on a 41-foot boat. When you're cresting off the top, that means you risk coming down uh straight on the next crest with a hull, um, which could crack it. And thank God that thing was built in 67, and um, so it was built really well, and uh and blue came through for us, and um, we got through the first round. First one after a little over an hour of getting beat up, um, had a few minutes, the temperature raised slightly, um, light came up a little bit, and then the second one was just bigger and longer and wider, and um you know, we couldn't go back because the other storm was there, so we said it's been nice, nice doing this with you, and uh and push forward and um didn't think we were coming out the other side. So I didn't really get into describing the the second storm as much in the book, uh, because it didn't, you know, the first storm was adequate, it was just worse. And uh so we came out of there a little over an hour later again, and um, but we still didn't know if the boat was going to be sinking. I mean, a thousand things went right on the boat that could have gone wrong, and um yeah, we were both very, very grateful to God. And then we had eight hours of just getting beat to crap, kind of like a blender, and uh finally made it into into the marina, and uh it all it all kind of changed after that.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Well, speaking of your book, you know, kind of tell the listeners about the book, uh what was the inspiration behind it, uh, what where to get it, and what you hope listeners take away from your story.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Oh, thank you. Um, the book was really kind of cathartic in a lot of ways. As we were trying to figure out my emotional, you know, bringing back, if you will, of emotions and understanding life. Um, writing for me became like your other guest, like she could paint. I can't paint, but I can write. And it was a great way for me to be able to go back and figure out exactly what happened uh in my life, in my marriage, um, and really the way I wanted to go forward. And so the book itself, you know, we we've been very fortunate winning a number of awards. Uh, it was released late June, and um, we've received a Gold Book Award. We are you know twice nominated for Book of the Year, um, and I feel very, very grateful for that. And uh it's been very well received, and and I don't, it's always funny. I I'm amazed at the different people that read it. And I was walking out of the pharmacy the other night, and the guy behind the counter said, Thank you very much for writing the book. He said it helped me look back at my father's death in a different way. And I just kind of looked at him, dumbfounded. He said, No, I know who you are, I just didn't want to say anything until I finished the book. And it's been moments like that that have really taken me aback. There's a great woman at the farmer's market that I didn't know couldn't, she could read, but her pupils do not allow her to read. And so she bought the book and um and had her son read it to her. And uh, she said it was wonderful. And uh it's been moments like that around the country that have just made a huge difference. Um the book itself is available anywhere. Uh, if you want to order through your local bookstore, they can order it. Um, if you want to get it immediately, it's on Amazon, uh, Barnes and Noble, you name it. Um, and a really interesting thing too, which I found one of the readers sent this to me. He said I just typed in um uh Pivoting from Blue into Google and asked Google to tell them about the book, and it broke the whole book down for them, which I thought was fascinating. So we've just seen this movement kind of a ground swollen as an indie author. You know, it's it's been a little bit of a battle, but they can also find um find us on Instagram under Skip Van Gardner. Uh, same thing on uh um TikTok under Skip Van Gardner, and uh we have a series of videos that correspond to the book itself, and um and there is the traditional book website of skipvangardner.com or pivoting from blue.com.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

All right, so how do you find uh uh strength to keep going when life seems to take everything that seems familiar from you and you don't know what comes next?

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Um that's a great question, and it's one that I can answer quite easily. When I was in the bottom, uh I saw millions of images of my life flashing around me. There's a video on Instagram called um Go Mind, and that's about as close as it got. But there were three images that I did not see in my head, and those were of my wife and two kids, and um and somebody put it this way that the those things that I need to cleanse were the pictures that I saw, but the three that I need to find were not there. And I think about that in terms of your question too: how do you find the strength to get up in the morning and go? I mean, we've all had different challenges in our life, and my story is no greater than anybody else's or less, and um but I think for me it was wanting to live a life that was bigger than photographs. I wanted to live a life that was gonna be better than leaving it in a in a box. Um, and I've made a promise to myself and to the children and to Annie that I would be a different person going forward, and not that I was a bad person, but just different. Like, and now you know, I look at things and and I love them and I realize what's important now, and they take priority um over a lot of things that I used to think were important, and they really weren't. And um, so it's just a matter of just waking up in the morning thinking, you know what, I'm just gonna go and just go. And it's funny, the the one word that hit me when I was down at the bottom was that word go. And that was the first thing that kind of launched me out of there, and uh and it's been an amazing journey since then. And uh I feel like I'm just walking up to the starting line right now.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Well, as a sailor, you know that you can't control the ocean or the weather. So talk about what Salem has taught you about navigating life's unex unexpected storms.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

That is a great question, Kurt Ball, and a great point on there. Um it's funny, my grandfather, when I was sailing with him growing up, used to always say that I thought I was really smart until I went sailing today. Um, because you can't, to your point, you can't control the weather. And I've learned that you can't control other people or take responsibility for them. Um and that's the way that life is. And what you can do, or what I can do, is be responsible for what I am doing to make sure that if other people need something from it, like the book, you know, being able to take something from the book that applies to your life, then use it, you know. But you need to take care of yourself first and not be full of crap. I'm gonna try to keep my mouth clean. Um, and accept the fact that sometimes life just sucks. And but there is a bright side to it, and you always have to believe that, and you gotta have hope. And um, for me, music was key on being able to hold hope. Um, putting mental images in my head um allowed me to hold hope, and to have that hope allowed me to get out of bed every day, even though God knows times I didn't want to. But hope was inevitable, and uh and I believe it is.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Well, during that unforgettable year, you know, when when did you realize that you were no longer going to be the same person that you you were before? Um, or did you actually realize, you know, that you were not gonna be the same person you were before? And if so, what sparked that realization?

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Um good, deep question. Um, it was July 2nd, uh, six days after we were on the boat. We were on the boat on on June 26th, and then six days later is when a mind event happened, and I got what was called a compression. And uh we've since learned that it's called nonlinear time, but it's where you have a complete life recall of any memory that you have of a person. And um, so for me, the first time I got back and I looked at Annie, you know, we were in the throes of divorce and signing the papers a few, you know, two weeks later. But I just looked at her and all I saw were all the thousands of times that I've ever seen her smile. And um where I guess normally I would have been mad at seeing her and knowing that we were about to finalize everything. I was grateful. And I think that moment for me was a big pivot moment um in realizing that I was not the same person that I was, you know, a week ago. Six months ago. Um, but I think my mind was already going that direction prior to June, uh prior to July 2nd. Um, but that moment to your question, that that was a big change because that was my first sense of being back with her and seeing her and being back in the environment in which we had raised the children and realizing that it was all different, everything was different, you know, the smells of the streets, the sounds while you walk down the streets, just everything was going to be different from that moment on. And I didn't want it to stop. And I'm lucky that it hasn't.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Well, the story that you've written in your book is uh deeply personal. So talk about the hardest part of putting your story on your paper and being being deeply honest about you know all that you've been through.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Sure. Um, like I said, it it was very cathartic to write, uh being able to identify a lot of things. Um, I do get asked occasionally how does it feel to have the world know what your life is like? And I say it's freeing, it's very freeing. Um because if I'm gonna live a life that I want to be proud of day by day, and have my children and Annie proud of what I'm doing, and you know, family, friends, stuff like that. I've learned to be very, very honest about things. I've learned to cut off those people that are negative in your life, um, and to stand on your own two feet and and to keep moving forward like that. And so to have my life out there like it is now, and and I did an interview from Sydney, um, Australia, and it was interesting because so much of it applied to different people, and I and the purpose of the book really was to help people. I I didn't want anybody to go through even remotely what I went through without knowing that other people have the same struggles. And so to be able to put the keyboard, you know, into action like I could, and I've always been a fast writer and a fairly adequate writer. Um I figured when I first started out that I wasn't gonna hold anything back, and uh, and I'm grateful that I didn't. I had a wonderful editor who would spur me on occasionally to expand on this thing or that thing, and I'm very grateful for her. And um I was very grateful, the fact of like when I was writing most of it, you know, in the evenings, because I have a full job, but my kids would just say, Go write your ass off, Dad, you know, go for it. And um, and so it was moments like that curveball that uh just you know, they hit you and you're like, I'm just putting it all out there because I have nothing to hide. And I had to be completely upfront and honest about that. And I just had nothing to hide anymore. I had no emotions to hide. Um, I didn't have any embarrassing things that I didn't care if people found out or knew. And um, you know, it it's just been a very freeing way to live.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Well, if there's someone out there listening right now that might be going through divorce, grief, or a loss in their life. Um, talk about uh what advice you would give them uh if they feel like there's no hope and they're trying to find their way or find a new direction.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Yeah, I know. Great question. Um, you know, one of the things that has surprised a lot of people about the book is the amount of humor that's in it. And um, and I learned that early on. I remember watching an army movie, you know, war movie when I was a kid. And it's two people in Fox all about to get killed, and one guy cracked a joke, and the guy looked at me and goes, for real? And he just said, Yeah, why not? I mean, there's nothing I can do about it. So, to your question there, whether you're going through a divorce, death, or anything else like that, find a way to be grateful for what you've had. Um, find a way to look back on the good parts. Surround yourself with things that are positive to read. Surround yourself with positive TV shows if you like watching shows. But don't tune out. Um, I think a lot of people just tune out hoping it's just going to pass. What I've discovered over this course of this year is being able to tune in and look at the worst possible thing that's right ahead of you and just go straight into it. I mean, like we did on the on the crossing in the Atlantic, we picked the biggest wave that was coming at us to just keep going into it because it may not be long, it may be long, you don't know, but at least you're not running from it. And sometimes if you try to skiver to the side or you know, move to the side, that big wave is gonna take you down. And um, that's the one decision that Michael and I had together on the boat. And we looked at each other and just said, take the biggest wave possible. That's gonna be our only way out of here. And um, and so I would say as much as possible, surround yourself with good positive people, look around and be honest and say, who's really taking all this energy out of me? And um, and don't be afraid to read something funny, watch something funny, take a break. I mean, if it drags on, it's gonna drag on, but it doesn't mean you have to live in that drag the whole time. And uh I think that's what allows me to find humor in the midst of all of the book, and people have been very, very surprised by the amount of humor that's in there and um and rage, but sometimes you can use comedy to offset rage, and uh and I think I got lucky on the way that we wrote it.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Well, Skip's websites are skipvangardner.com and pivoting from blue.com. So close us out with some final thoughts, maybe if that was something I forgot to talk about that you would like to touch on. Any final thoughts you have for the listeners?

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Uh you know, it's it's interesting, Kerr. Well, one, I love your name, man. And I was really looking forward to coming on here when when I first heard about it, and I'm very grateful for that. And uh I at some point in time would love to come back and hear your story, you know, um, and how you came to get all this going. And um, because I think that one of the things that I've learned over the course of this year is I love listening to other people now. I keep quiet. And for months after July 2nd, I was very quiet. I didn't talk much, I kind of had to fake it for the kids. But um, you know, learn to listen to others and uh and really just live a good life, man. You know, be up, not fake it when stinks, when something stinks, just admit it. But know that you can change it. And uh, but no, Kurt, well, you've done a tremendous job, and and your questions were spot on, and your leads were fantastic and are and are truly appreciated, and so is your time. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 30:19

Appreciate you sharing your story, and real quick, I'll tell you how how I did get the podcast going for the listeners as well.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

I would love that.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

I went to radio broadcasting school in 2020, and they they tell told us, you know, don't sleep on podcasting. I was doing uh music shows at the time. I was a radio DJ for a couple of stations, flying cafe radio and G Spin Radio. And all of a sudden, out of the blue, uh Ken Brandt, he's from uh I think New York and New Jersey, but he was living in Australia, contacted me and said, Hey, I got a book and I'd like for you to interview me on the show. He's a visually impaired author. And he and I said, Well, I'm doing music shows, uh, so you know, I I won't be able to do the interview. But thank you for asking. And he was like, Have you ever thought about a podcast? And and I was like, Well, I just went to school and they kind of told us about it, you know, but I haven't really just thought about it. And we just got to talking about it and different topics we could talk about. And I said, All right, Ken, if can if Ken, if I start um a podcast, you're gonna be my first guest. And it just kept being on my mind, it kept being on my mind. It seemed like it wouldn't go away. It seemed like something that God wanted me to start. So I said, God, if this is something you really want me to do, you know, show me what to do, show me how to do it. And then uh um that I started out, he was my first guest on September 7th, 2020. Six years later, here I am, a thousand episodes in. And I I kind of kept it baseball, you know. Uh, you know, you got 27 outs for a game. Uh, so I I do uh 27 episodes a season, and when I do bonuses, those are extra innings. So that's how I got started.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

That's awesome. Thank you very much for sharing that curveball. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Uh no problem.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

And I feel kind of blessed being on this episode, I know on air for a little while, but with uh the World Series starting tomorrow, you know, getting it be uh interviewed by a guy named Curveball, that's pretty darn good. That's pretty fortuitous right there.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Most definitely, and got the name Curveball because I'm a hip hop artist. Got it for my best friend, Sean Davis, back in junior high.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

It's awesome. I love the stories like this.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

Yeah. And ladies and gentlemen, Skip's book is awesome. So please go pick up Pivotin' from Blue. Visit Pivotinfomblue.com and SkipvanGardner.com. Pick it up either on Amazon or your uh favorite local bookstore. Follow rate review, share this episode to as many people as possible. We all can benefit from Skip's story. And uh to keep up with all things living the dream and know when we drop new episodes, the uh the regular episodes or the extra inning episodes, visit www.curveball337.com. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. And uh, Skip, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story with me and my listeners and the world. And thank you for joining me.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

For more information on the Living the Dream with Curveball Podcast, visit www.curveball337.com. Until next time, keep living the dream.