Making Sobriety Stick: Stephanie Hazard's Blueprint for Lasting Recovery

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Living the Dream Podcast with Curveball. If you believe, you can achieve. Welcome to the Living the Dream with Curveball podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate, and inspire. Today's topic is about recovery, but not just about getting sober or making sobriety sick. Today I am joined by Stephanie Hazard, the author, speaker, and recovery coach with 26 years of recovering from alcohol abuse disorder and an eating disorder. And so we're going to be talking to her as she uses her personal experience, professional training, and compassion for people to help people. We are going to be talking to her about a book that she has out and everything that she's up to and gonna be up to. So Stephanie, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Thank you, Curtis.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Sure. Um, so thank you for the intro. Uh yes, I identify as a person in long-term recovery. Uh so what that looks like for me is 26 years sober and actually 28 years in recovery from an eating disorder. And um, there are a lot of actually a lot of women that I work with. Um clinically, it's called having co-occurring disorders. Uh but a lot of women struggle with both and struggle with both alcohol and disordered eating at the same time. So um I grew up in New York City. Uh, I am an adult child of an alcoholic. Actually, alcoholism runs on both sides of my family. But uh the eating disorder is uh what, if you will, sort of came first. I was realized now in retrospect, um, there's sugar is is uh uh soothing and comforting. And I used to eat sugar straight out of the sugar bowl. And it's no surprise that there's a lot of sugar and alcohol. So I think sugar was the first thing that felt good and tasted good and sort of looked, it took me to a different place. Um it was kind of soothing, but um, long story short, I uh struggled with the disordered eating turned into a full-blown eating disorder. That was through high school and certainly through college. Um and it was after I got married and had my son that the drinking really took off. And I will say that it was God's grace that helped me to take a break. It wasn't even sort of a factor when I was pregnant. I knew that I would never intentionally bring harm to um another living, growing being inside of me. That was just a higher purpose. But that was really the first time in retrospect that I really took a solid break. I mean, I started drinking when I was 15 um and smoking cigarettes and so forth. But um, after the pregnancy and after breastfeeding, I started drinking again very quickly. And in my case, alcohol seemed to help um, it was an appetite suppressant, and I wanted to lose the pregnancy weight. So um, and so smoking cigarettes and drinking and uh it really it after like I said, after my son was born, there was a huge increase in in my drinking, but um my pathway is AA, but I've been a recovery coach for the last eight or now nine years, and we are pathway agnostic. And what I mean by that, Curtis, is although AA might be my jam, that doesn't mean that that's an appropriate fit for anybody else. So I as a recovery coach, and it's not a requirement to be abstinent or to be sober, to work with a recovery coach. Um, and there are multiple pathways to recovery. So I will I will always acknowledge uh the 12-step pathway because I really feel that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a divinely inspired program, and that's what worked for me. But there are wonderful meetings, other meetings that I um suggest and recommend to my clients and that are out there. So I have this life of recovery now. So I have my personal experience and it's my professional experience.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Well, I know you've been in recovery for 26 years. So talk about what you understand about recovery today that you didn't understand in the early days.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

So the great question. I I think in the early days, I thought um that if I just stopped drinking or took a break, that everything would get better. And life is still lifey. Even though you stopped, I stopped drinking, there were still losses and uh still did I lost my job. Um, I was working through a divorce, um, there was death, there was tragedy. And I think what I understand today is that there's way more to uh recovery than just not drinking. It starts there, but there's way more to drinking than just, I mean, to to life and recovery. Like I took a break, I think then I got sober, and now I'm in recovery. And what I mean by that is I got way more than I bargained for in the best way. Uh, I just went to kind of get things a little, you know, so you maybe feel better physically, get some relationships in a better place. And so what recovery looks like for me today, all this time later, is really a life of wellness. Um, like I said, just it starts with not drinking for me, but it's about wellness across the eight dimensions of wellness: my physical health, my spiritual health, my emotional health. So I think what I would like to wrap up with on that question is simply that um, like I said, I got way more than I bargain for, but in a good way. And my life has has never been fuller and bigger. And I think I'm uh because I am so content and um helping other people, I didn't realize that getting sober would lead to um sort of turning my struggles into strength.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Well, I know people can stop drinking or stop using a substance, but building, like you said, a sustainable life of recovery is another thing. So yeah. What does uh making sobriety stick really mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 8:02

So making sobriety stick is is is a sustainable recovery. And we understand and know that recurrence and relapse is part of recovery. Um, but I I the premise of and what I truly believe in my heart of hearts, and um uh William White, who is a um preeminent researcher in the recovery field, William White would suggest that the longer somebody stays engaged with recovery support and recovery support services, the better the outcomes. The the the the increase, the better and the greater increase in sustainable recovery. So it's in the connection, it's in the and when a recovery coach comes into the mix, that individual partnering with somebody else helps the person stay engaged with recovery support, and so having having that accountability partner, that champion, that ally helps make sobriety stick in that you're staying engaged, but it's also because we are growing wellness, and I work with every single client on a wellness recovery plan. And so what makes sobriety stick in in for my clients, and it's been my experience as their coach, is that we are taking a holistic approach and looking at their emotional health, their spiritual health, job education. So it's more of a holistic uh approach to their lives. And so, Curtis, it's not just what we're recovering from, but what are we recovering to? So, what makes sobriety stick is not just not using or not drinking, it's staying engaged with recovery services and recovery support or wellness support and and and building that life worth living.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Well, how did your eating disorder and alcohol use disorder shape the way that you understand addiction and recovery?

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Well, uh I would say that back then I had didn't didn't think uh they had anything to do. I mean, they were so um, you know, an eating disorder is like its own world. And I didn't realize trauma is uh a part of my uh experience as well. And I didn't know for years that the eating disorder had anything was related to the the trauma that I experienced at all. And you know, alcohol use disorder, you know, I I I am a recovering alcoholic. Um, and I didn't understand at all that having drinking a bottle of wine at home at night was uh not a good sign. And the hangovers that I had and moving the goalposts on what was acceptable and unacceptable, that wasn't a good sign. And it it's because I started openly sharing about what was going on behind closed doors that I began to hear other people share as I was honest and other people were honest, that I began to put it together and that the eating disorder and drinking and using you know drugs or recreationally, that that was all part of the same thing, which was I was actually reaching for something to make myself feel better, and there's no crime in that, Curtis. We all do that, but the work has been, and I didn't know this at all, but the work has been for me to become comfortable with feeling uncomfortable feelings and increasing my window of tolerance so that I don't have to reach for something to check out with or to soothe myself with. So my understanding is that the eating disorder and using alcohol, although they seem different, are part of the same coping mechanism. And and now in recovery, and as a coach, I use coping skills, right? So I'll just make that distinction again: that coping mechanisms versus coping skills. And I engineered wonderful coping mechanisms until they worked, until they they stopped working. And now I try to teach and practice coping skills.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Well, let's talk about some of the biggest misconceptions people have about what recovery is supposed to look like.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Oh my God, the biggest misconceptions is that it's a straight line and that it's abstinence, and you know, that that means you never drink or use again, and that it's black and white. I would go so far as to say that it's anything but black and white. However, we, you know, there's moderation, there's medication, um, there's medication-assisted treatment, there's harm reduction. Uh again, as a coach, I'm meeting the person where they are. I'm not there to dictate what their recovery looks like. What my recovery looks like for me is I abstain from alcohol. I am alcohol-free. I alcohol in my system, but there are other people who again are practicing harm reduction and uh they might be, you know, having some recreational cannabis, but they're not drinking. So, you know, I I here's the thing is is I think that there are lots of misconceptions out there, and a person is work in recovery when they say they're in recovery. It's not for me to judge or to dictate.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Well, what would you say to someone who wants to change, but they keep on falling back into the same destructive pattern?

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Well, nothing changes if nothing changes. So I would say, okay, flag on the play. What need what's working, what's not working? What needs to change? What needs to shift? We know how difficult addiction is because we get addicted to a substance, or but but something needs to shift in that person's way of going about it. And maybe that means adding some recovery support groups or or some uh working with a recovery coach, or maybe that's more accountability, you know, or maybe that's working on a wellness plan. But it is so common to fall back, that's part of it, but it's it's when I work with people who have a recurrence, we first ask what's working, what's not working, and where do we need to turn the dial of wellness first? You know, if if they keep relapsing because they're going back home to an apartment with two roommates who continue to drink and smoke, I would ask that person if there's a different living arrangement, or if if uh he or she uh can make a change there. Um, you know, it's hard to if you're living with people to get them to ask them to stop because you're it's not safe for you to be around. But, you know, our environmental health, where we live, where we work, you know, there's some people like, look, Curtis, let's say I'm a bartender and I'm trying not to drink or I'm trying to get sober, it would be really hard for me to maintain the job of being a bartender. I might actually have to look at getting a different job.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Well, to talk about uh how important it is for people to in recovery to understand the difference between simply avoiding a substance versus addressing the underlying issue of why they used it.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Well, I mean, listen, we can I'm not a therapist, I'm a coach, and therapists I think do an exploratory and it's so valid to understand. And as a coach, I'm certainly sensitive to this because I work in tandem with therapists and sponsors and counselors. Staying away from a drink or a drug is just that, and that's if it's really having a bad effect on you, that is a huge step, but understanding why you're reaching for that in the first place is actually a beautiful discovery process, and if we can help other people understand that they're actually trying to sue themselves and make themselves feel better and get to the heart of their pain and help them meet their own needs in life-affirming ways, and using coping skills and working with compassionate people who care about them, that is when um at the end of the day, I think the real shift happens because you know that's where the real recovery work um and the real change happens. You know, I had a lot of difficult things, including, as I said, trauma. And I think the substances helped me just keep those offline and out of my consciousness. And I took the time in meetings to share and work with the therapist to share to really understand um the sort of the depth of the pain. And you know what's so fascinating, Curtis, is what we think we cannot feel is what ends up helping us heal.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Well, you know, families often struggle alongside the person in recovery. So talk about how loved ones can support someone in recovery without enabling them or losing themselves in the process.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

Oh, that's a brilliant question. You know exactly, that's exactly right. The family system gets impacted. And uh as difficult as it is when I work with parents or loved ones, I'm encouraging them uh because they don't realize that sometimes they're enabling, or sometimes that out of love they're contributing to the problem. And that's hard to hear. But when I work with families, we focus on them finding ways to take care of themselves. That that they practicing their own self-care and and saying, you know, this is this is important for my emotional health and for my physical health, uh, to keep the focus on myself and let the loved one do and focus on themselves. I mean, this is not an easy fix. And people will say it's impossible if they're living with me, and some people, you know, that have have children who steal from them and lie to them, and it is so tumultuous and difficult. And sometimes it makes sense for the individual who's struggling to go away to treatment. But when everybody's in the same family system, the best thing that family members can do is go take care of themselves. And I'm not saying being mean or or uh shutting people out, but they need a place to go for their own emotional sobriety. And, you know, in the book that I've written, there are lots of wonderful resources for parents and for families. And I, you know, if if you can get the person you love or that's struggling, professional help and let the professionals help them, even a recovery coach help them, then the family members can go back to doing what they do best, mom, dad, spouse, because you know, we end up turning into cops, we end up turning into enforcers, we end up, we can't find them, picking them up at a bar, calling their workplace and saying, lying for them and saying that they're sick. I mean, Curtis, it runs the gamut. It's very, very difficult. Um, but if there's a parent support group, If there's another 12-step group like Al-Anon, if there's a other kind of support group that, like Center for Motivation and Change, they have a virtual parent support group. It starts with the family members helping themselves and proceeding and coming from a place of love and compassion for themselves and for the person who's struggling.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Well, what are some practical habits or daily daily uh decisions that a person can participate in that will make the difference between short-term sobriety and long-term sobriety?

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Um let's see. Daily decisions. Well, so let's just let's talk about environmental health. The first thing I think that that people who, you know, you can make a change in your um home or where you learn or the workplace. So remove the alcohol from your house and and help yourself set yourself up for success. You know, if if you still have wine in the basement or beer or vodka or whatever the case may be, and it's still there, that's not gonna set you up for long term. So it's gonna be tempting. You know it's gonna be there. So clear the space, give yourself a break. Like I took an empty wine bottle out of the garbage and I turned it into a flower vase. I I took the suggestion, I removed all the alcohol from my house. Um, I think we make decisions, Curtis, um, that we we put put sobriety first. Um, and by that I mean like we make decisions about people, places, and things. Um, I didn't go to bars in the first 90 days. I didn't go to, I declined going to actually a wedding. Um, I I really tried, you know, to make those changes in early recovery, not forever, but at least the first 90 days, just to give myself a shot. I think the difference between short-term and long term, again, is really if you if you're struggling emotionally, go to a support group, get yourself a therapist, um, get somebody who's an accountability partner, a recovery coach who you can call. I mean, I I put my sobriety first. And if I felt like an urge, it was that was the most important thing. And if I felt a craving or an urge, I would look at something called halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Am I feeling hungry? Am I feeling angry? Am I feeling lonely or tired? And those were like the four horsemen. So I was always on the lookout for them. And I think, you know, what's it's a little bit of an oxymoron because I never thought about long-term sobriety. I just stayed sober for 26 years a day at a time. I never said I'm gonna stop drinking forever. I never would have done it if I said that. That's too big of a task. I never would have. But I was committed to not drinking for 24 hours, and that was huge. And I had to reach out to people, but I took the suggestions, and I think that, you know, I short term, short term, there's nothing wrong with short-term sobriety, Curtis. Lots of people take a break for a month or three or six and return. Um, but a lot of people then when they do end up stopping again because you know what? They feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually. Maybe they've lost some weight, maybe they've gotten more physically active. And um, I I think it's habits and routines and developing new habits and routines, and uh really letting yourself get help that is the biggest change and can result in long-term sobriety.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Well, talk to the listeners about your book, you know, tell tell us what we can expect when we read it and uh where we can get it, get it in.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Oh, Curtis, thank you for asking. So the book is called Making Sobriety Stick: A Recovery Coach's Guide to Sustainable Change. And it's uh available for pre-order uh at Amazon or at BarnesandNoble.com and it comes out September 22nd. So it's paperback and it costs $19.99, and it's uh gonna hit the bookshelves and uh Barnes Noble across the country uh and other wonderful bookstores, like I said, September 22nd. But if you want to pre-order the book, just go to Amazon or Barnesandnoble.com. And the book is a stand-in for me as a recovery coach. The book takes the reader, the loved one, the person struggling, somebody sober curious, through the recovery car wash and what it's like to work with a recovery coach. And so I use tools and we develop a the reader develops their own recovery wellness plan. And I just hope it helps um as many people as possible because not a lot of people know about this uh non-clinical support role of working with a recovery coach. So I'll just say this that, you know, and if you listener don't struggle, but you have a family member who is struggling or continues to have a recurrence, get them the book, send them the book. Um 80% of people who discharge from treatment relapse in the first 90 days. And when a recovery coach is in the mix, that percentage goes to 20%. Now that's pretty amazing. It's not because the coach is amazing, it's because of the connection, Curtis. You have your person with lived experience walking shoulder to shoulder with you, giving you recovery support, introducing you to recovery resources. And so the book, Curtis, is meant to, like I say, be a stand-in for me as a recovery coach. So if you've never worked with a coach before, this will be your first experience. And it should be pretty um, I think it's gonna help a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Well, so people can keep up with everything that you're up to and gonna be up to. Uh, they'll add your contact info.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Sure. My um uh Instagram, you can find me Stephanie Hazard Recovery Coach, and my um email address is SWAZHAZ A R D at Gmail.com. Anybody can email me and I respond. I don't have a big team of people. I'll see every single email if any listener has a question. And if they want to go to my website and order the book from the website or see what other services I provide, it's www.pathtowardrecovery.com. Pathtowardrecovery.com. And again, that's Stephanie Hazard with one Z. And I I welcome anybody to reach out um either via email or or via my website. And I hope Curtis said you'll pre-order a copy of the book. You know, it's also they have an um, we have an audio book and we also have a digital version of the book. So if you're not the kind of person who, you know, if you want to read on a reading device like a Kindle, or if you want a Nook, or if you want to listen to the audio book, you can also get the book that way.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Yeah, I'll have to get that Kindle version.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Yeah, see.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Well, close us out with some final thoughts. Maybe if that was something I forgot to talk about that you would like to touch on, or any final thoughts you have for the listeners.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Sure. I mean, I think what's I'd love to just wrap up with saying, I think what's so hard, I'll speak from my own experience, was I struggled in um silence and I struggled behind closed doors. I mean, there were people who were worried about my behavior, but I it took me forever to even admit to myself that I needed help. I tried to solve in solution and do it differently on my own. And you know, it makes it even worse because if you keep, you know, uh failing, if you will, at, you know, taking a break or whatever, it it sort of is defeating and depleting. So what I would love for your listeners to know is there is no shame in asking for help. And you're reaching for wellness and reaching for uh help um is the best thing that I ever did. And uh they're they're it's so important, I think, because alcoholism and addiction is very isolating. And the opposite, you know, the famous author says this the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection. And when I reached out for help and I connected, and somebody was able to be there for me, no judgment, no shame, no blame, just somebody was there and got me, that made all the difference in the world. So if anybody needs help or has a family member who needs help, I hope that they they get the book or get the you know audio version and listen. And I'm here to help. And I I just so appreciate you, Curtis, that you would even have me on your podcast and um you know speak to to all of your listeners. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

Absolutely. That's what this show is all about helping people, motivating and inspiration. So uh if you are somebody you know might be struggling with addiction, pre-order this book. Uh let them hear this episode, you know. Uh if you uh can't pre-order the book, you know, uh listen to the episode, contact uh Stephanie for support. Uh do whatever you need to do to get that support and help you need. Visit path to recovery.com to keep up with everything that Stephanie's up to. And www.curveball337.com to keep up with all things living the dream, and share the website and the show to everybody you know, and share Stephanie's website to everybody you know that needs it. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. Stephanie, thank you for all that you're doing in the recovery space, and thank you for joining me.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Oh, thank you for having me, Curtis, and have a lovely long weekend. Take great care.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

For more information on the Living the Dream with Curveball Podcast, visit www.curveball337.com. Until next time, keep living the dream.